SUBTLETY

let's meet in the middle, shall we?

“Go out with me.”

A choke, then another. “What?”

He assessed her softly and just stated as simply as he did before. “You heard me, B”

“Uh, yeah, I did.” She responded, still in shock. “Loud and clear, I just don’t think that you heard you. Are you for real?”

He turned in his seat to face her. His legs brushed hers in the process, giving her a shudder and weakening her resolve. “What’s the matter? I thought that’s what you wanted.”

Ouch. The statement stung. And she knew the reason why was because it was true, but saying it out loud didn’t do much to elevate her self-deflated ego and esteem. She just had to go open her mouth and confess her feelings to him despite knowing he didn’t do ‘dating’ and after trying so hard to remain friends with him for years. Now he was saying what she wanted yet not in the way she wanted.

“You know, for someone who’s never dated before, you sure are a master of saying things in the most shruggingly casual and un-bothering way,” she said, peering intently into her now empty coffee cup. It was the second one she was having that afternoon. He had invited her over for coffee to talk things through and they had not talked through anything since she ordered the first cup and was almost finishing the second one. He was so silent that she finally concluded it had been a terrible idea to have told him how she felt. It had put both of them in an uncomfortable position and placed a strain on their smooth sailing-friendship.

 He only smiled. He was such a calm person, it hurt her heart so. “I’m sorry if you were expecting wistful eyes and long speeches but I don’t have any of those to give.”

“No, not those, but the beat of your hands against the table should give something away, but it doesn’t. Rather I find that they’re steady.”

“Your eyes should communicate anything but confidence and nonchalance yet they don’t.”

“You give nothing away, Michael. So, I figure you ask me out not because you like me but because you don’t like the idea of losing who has come to be your good friend. Isn’t that, right?”

 He was silent for a moment and she took it that he was considering her words. Until he spoke again. “That’s not true. I like you, Beth. Or at the least, I think I do.”

Ouch, again. She loved his honesty and always encouraged it, but she found that she didn’t appreciate it now.

“You know, you would make me happy,” she said, placing her hands gingerly over his, fighting sudden tears from threatening to spill. Argh, she was such a crybaby! “But…. I, I won’t make you anything and I hate that you think keeping me as a girlfriend would prevent you from losing me as a friend.”

He stared at her hands over his as he tried to settle the warm feeling it suddenly gave him on his insides. He upturned them so he was holding hers, firmly, as if to assure her. “Listen, Beth, I care for you, maybe more than I do the rest of our friends. I won’t lie and say that your confession didn’t take me by surprise, and you left so suddenly that I didn’t have time to process things, but when I thought about it, I realized I would rather be with you than anyone else.”

“Wow.” She said softly, unable to meet his eyes.

“What?” He responded, grinning at her suddenly shy persona.   

“Nothing.” She said, shaking her head. “Just that I don’t think you realize that it’s the longest you’ve spoken today. I was just about to order my third coffee on you, you know”

He laughed at that and she joined him, both finding that they were suddenly free from the unfamiliar tension that had swirled their space for the past hour.

He missed that about her. Her ability to make him laugh and feel heard even without him having to say anything and just her presence in the room. Ever since she told him how she felt, he noticed she expertly made sure to not be seen in the same places as he, and he couldn’t even find her in the classes they took together which affected him more than he cared to admit. It was selfish of him but he knew he had to keep her with him for as long as he could and he didn’t mind going out with her.

“Sooo?” He pressed on, taking her hands again, giving her a patient smile.

“Soooo?” She repeated coyly after him, slowly angling her head towards his direction, giving him her sweetest lady charm smile, not intending to make anything easy for him. She had more to lose in their relationship and they both knew it. She had been the first to confess her feelings and she also obviously liked him more. He had some paces to walk to catch up with her if he wanted to be with her.

It would seem as though they were having a staring contest with each party intent on having their full fill on the image of the other, considering it was the very thing they’d been starved of, since her passionate outburst the past week.  Michael finally broke the silence, standing up from the chair he had been sitting on for the past hour, and encouraging her to do the same.

“Have dinner with me? I promise to let you have a go at my lamb chops if you want”

Now it was her turn to laugh at him, and she did so heartily, her hair falling gracefully backward in the process. It was an offer she couldn’t resist even if she tried and while it wasn’t the best move, they both knew it was a good start.